


Weirdos

by toushindai (WallofIllusion)



Category: Baccano!
Genre: Gen, even less plotty than usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 19:51:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10520679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WallofIllusion/pseuds/toushindai
Summary: In just under the wire for yonnna's birthday! Welcome to adulthood! Sometimes it's unpleasant, but other times, it's pretty dang great.Also,





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yonnna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonnna/gifts).



> In just under the wire for yonnna's birthday! Welcome to adulthood! Sometimes it's unpleasant, but other times, it's pretty dang great.
> 
> Also, 

Illness and Charon had just put the cake in the oven when the doorbell rang. Illness’s brow furrowed. “Who’s that?”

Charon was halfway through shrugging in response when a voice from outside called, “Where’s the birthday girl?” Then comprehension flitted across his face.

“Great-Grandpa Felix,” he muttered.

“Who?”

Without further explanation, Charon left the kitchen in the direction of the front door. Illness hesitated, unsure whether to follow him or stay put. And the timer still needed to be set for the cake. Nervously, she punched 25 minutes into the timer on the stove and then stood there a moment more, trying to tell from the sounds in the entrance whether she was wanted there or supposed to stay here. But she couldn’t tell. Well, Claudia had never said anything about having mean relatives. Maybe they wouldn’t mind if Illness intruded.

She wiped her hands on her skirts and made her way towards the entrance. By the time she got there, Charon had let the visitor—or rather, visitors—in.

“Hey, Charon. Where’s your sister?”

“She’s out.”

The man who had spoken must’ve been Felix. He was old—wasn’t he? Somehow he didn’t look elderly; his posture made him look like a young man who just happened to have wrinkles and pure-white hair. He was carrying an enormous package on his shoulder with no effort.

At Charon’s abbreviated answer, Felix winced and turned to the woman behind him. She had gray hair and eyes that shone with the same gold as Claudia and Charon’s. Right now, she was arching one eyebrow at Felix.

“Yeah, sorry, Chané, you were right,” he said to her, then turned back to Charon. “Chané kept telling me that we didn’t want to be so early, but I didn’t listen.”

Charon only nodded; whether this indicated forgiveness of their early arrival or agreement with the woman named Chané’s point, it was unclear.

“Any idea when she’ll be back?”

Charon only shrugged at that. Which was true: they didn’t know an exact time. But Illness found her mouth opening.

“Um—”

Both of the old people looked her way curiously.

“Her mom and dad took her out shopping so Charon and I could make a cake for her. Um, and the cake just went in the oven? So hopefully she’ll be gone for at least another hour, because after it comes out of the oven we have to frost it. But I don’t really know exactly,” she added at the end, her voice getting a little quiet as she spoke. Felix and Chané were both looking straight at her, and Felix’s eyes were a lot like Claudia’s, and it was overwhelming.

But they were definitely smiling. Smiling like they knew something.

“You must be Illness,” Felix said slyly. “We’ve heard all about you from Claudia.”

“Oh,” Illness said, unable to guess what Claudia might’ve told them.

But Felix seemed to notice her unease and waved his free hand to chase it away. “Good things, all good things! You’ve heard of us, too, right? Felix and Chané?”

“Um, I don’t…”

“The assassin and the terrorist,” Charon said quietly.

Illness looked at him, then back at the old people, then back at Charon. “ _Them_?!”

As soon as the word left her mouth, she realized it was rude—but Felix only burst into loud laughter. Chané’s shoulders, too, seemed to shake with amusement, though she didn’t make a sound. Illness flushed. If _that_ was who they were, then yeah, Claudia had mentioned them. They’d met as part of a train hijacking 70 years ago and fallen in love at first sight. Claudia seemed to think this was romantic. And she seemed to think it was _normal_ , too. At least, that was what she tried to convince Illness of.

Felix recovered from his outburst of laughter and sighed contentedly. “Yep, that was us,” he said. “Hard to believe it’s been over 70 years now, huh, Chané? Anyway—Illness, it’s great to finally meet you. Lemme put this down somewhere so I can shake your hand.”

Charon led them all to the living room, and Felix and Chané did indeed shake Illness’s hand, Felix again professing a warm eagerness to meet her. Chané didn’t say anything, but now that Illness thought about it, Claudia had mentioned that her great-grandmother (the former terrorist) didn’t speak much. And given that Charon didn’t either, it would probably fall to Illness to be the gracious host. Which was not exactly her forte. She turned worriedly towards where Charon—had been. He was on his way out of the living room. Illness’s stomach plunged.

“ _Charon_ …!” she hissed, too frantic to care about how obvious she was being. Charon held up one finger in an indication to wait… and then continued out of the room. Crap. Illness turned back towards the guests, who’d taken a seat on the couch. She pulled her mouth up in what was… hopefully??… a normal smile.

“Um, make yourself at home!” she said, and then felt stupid. “I mean, I guess you’ve been coming to this house since before I even knew Claudia existed…”

“Not necessarily!” Felix replied. “They moved here just a few years ago, so depending on what movie you first saw her in…”

“Oh, I didn’t… um… I didn’t see her in any movies before I met her,” Illness said, her face reddening. Was that weird? Claudia was a pretty big star. It was probably weird. The explanation stumbled out of her. “I don’t really watch movies. Unless she’s in them! I really like her movies! It’s just all the other ones that I don’t like.”

Felix chuckled. “ _All_ the others?”

“Uh…” Illness thought of all the movie buffs from the Mask Makers, the way they used to squeeze her into a couch and force her to watch really violent crap and laugh at her when she didn’t understand things. It was taking more effort to smile. “Um,” she started again, but she didn’t know how to answer Felix’s teasing.

She was saved from the friendly intensity of his stare when Chané touched his arm. She shot a sharp look at him and then turned towards Illness with a softer gaze. She lifted her hand and made a few gestures, an inquisitive look on her face. Illness winced, her stomach twisting guiltily. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t…”

Chané waved one hand to deny the need for an apology, then reached into her purse for a pad of paper and a pen. As she was writing, Charon returned carrying four glasses of ice water on a tray. He set them down on coasters and then took a seat next to Illness.

“Thanks for setting the timer,” he said, and gave her a thumbs up.

“Oh, no problem…”

Chané had finished writing. She offered the notebook to Illness. In impeccably neat handwriting, it said _I’m sorry for my husband—he can be a little pushy. He’s quite kind at heart. We don’t have to talk about movies if you don’t want to._

“Was I being pushy?” Felix asked.

Chané nodded.

“Whoops. My bad, Illness.”

“Um… it’s okay. I guess it’s not really normal to hate movies, so…”

“You said you like Claudia’s, though?” Another look from Chané. Felix cleared his throat bashfully. “With the disclaimer that you don’t have to talk about those ones, either, if you don’t want to, as my wife reminds me.”

“No, I can talk about Claudia’s movies! I really love them,” Illness said, and she felt her shoulders relax a little as they found an easy topic to talk about. She could probably keep up conversation about Claudia’s movies for a little while. “She’s just so great in them, like she can just be _anyone_ and she’s so convincing, and she really puts her all into them. It’s really, um… um…”

Oh no. She was remembering the first time she saw Claudia’s movies, back on the _Entrance_ , and that was making her tear up. Her hands knotted together in her lap. She couldn’t cry _now_ , she was just meeting these people and they were Claudia’s _family_ …

But Felix didn’t look bothered. In fact, he was smiling that sly smile again.

“You really love Claudia, don’t you?”

Red dyed Illness’s face. But she didn’t want to deny it. She nodded, embarrassed.

“She loves you, too. But I bet she’s told you that.”

Illness nodded again and reached for the ice water Charon had set in front of her in the hope it would cool her down a little.

“You know, if you proposed to her, I bet she’d say yes.”

Illness spit her water across the coffee table. “Are you _crazy_?! …Wait, I mean—!” She couldn’t say _that_ , that was so rude! “I mean… um… I’m sorry, I’m gonna get some paper towels, sorry…”

She stood up in a hurry and practically sprinted to the kitchen, her heart pounding. She was messing this up. Really badly. Really, really badly. Claudia obviously loved her great-grandparents, and here Illness was saying awful things to them and being really awkward. But telling her to propose _marriage_ to Claudia was really weird, too… wasn’t it?

Illness’s head spun and she ripped paper towel after paper towel off the roll. She had to go back in there to clean up. That’s what she’d said she was gonna do. Taking a deep breath, she turned—

Only to find that Chané had followed her to the kitchen, notepad in hand. Illness flushed miserably and looked down at the ground

“I’m sorry I said that mean thing about your husband,” she mumbled.

Again, Chané waved away the apology and turned to her notebook. Illness’s stomach tied itself in painful knots as she wrote, but Chané’s words were kind.

_You don’t need to apologize. Honestly, you’re right: Claire is a little crazy._

“Um… Claire?”

Chané lifted a finger to her lips. _What I call Felix. Only me, though._

“Oh! Um, sorry. Felix. Um… I didn’t mean it. He’s not really crazy. I just… I can’t propose to Claudia. I’m not ready. Maybe that makes me weird…”

Chané shook her head. Before turning back to her notebook, she rested a gentle hand on Illness’s arm and smiled warmly. Kindly. Illness smiled back, almost genuinely.

_You’re not weird, Illness_ , Chané wrote. _Claire and I really like you, and we’re excited to meet you._

“Oh… thanks.” Illness couldn’t imagine why.

_Claire only suggests things like that because—well, it’s how he got me._

Watching as Chané wrote, Illness’s eyes bugged out of her head. “Wait, what?”

Chané’s cheeks colored and a nostalgic smile came to her face. _Oh, yes. He proposed to me the first night we met. On top of a moving train, after threatening to kill me about fifteen minutes before._

“Uh…”

Illness had no idea what to say to that.

Chané’s shoulders trembled with silent laughter once more. _It didn’t work right away, to be honest, but… well, if anyone is weird here, it’s probably me. Or maybe we all are. Maybe that’s just the Walken legacy. You’re in good company, Illness._

Illness felt herself blush, but it wasn’t as unpleasant as it had been before. Her racing heart was calming, too. She couldn’t decide whether to deny that Chané was weird or to thank her for being so welcoming, so she just stayed shyly quiet.

Chané sent another smile her way, but this time it looked a little like Felix’s: still warm, but a little mischievous. She hid her notebook as she wrote, and then showed it to Illness with a flourish.

_Forget proposing to Claudia for now; but if you ask her on a date, I promise she’ll say yes._

And Illness went bright red again. “I—but—I—”

Another silent laugh. _Forgive me. I just think you’d make a lovely great-granddaughter-in-law._

And before Illness could figure out what to say to _that_ , the timer went off. Illness jumped and turned towards the oven.

“Um, I gotta take care of this…”

Chané nodded. _Should I bring in the others to help?_

“In a second,” Illness said. She took a deep breath and tried to still her shaking hands, her trembling heart. It was okay. Felix and Chané liked her, and Claudia liked her, and they’d draw a picture of Sharky on top of the cake and Claudia would like that, too, and maybe when they were done celebrating Claudia’s birthday and Felix and Chané had left, Illness would ask Claudia if she wanted to go somewhere just the two of them. Maybe, maybe she would.

“Okay, I’m ready,” she said, and took the cake out of the oven.  


End file.
